Book

Usually week days are hectic. Don’t get much time to do anything except for the regular activity. So I read my books during week ends.

Most of my Fridays end up sleeping with laptop on, room light on, unfinished drink, opened Lays, half dropped quilt. I sleep late that day, usually 2 in the morning if not 3. I don’t have control over my sleep at that point of time. My body and mind surrender to all the work load of a week and alcohol contain to Vodka. I fall down usually to the unexplored territory of my bed.

After a good 60ml shot I am relaxed, body and mind pressure is gone. It’s same me but not exactly. Then the shots will follow like mob crossing road at Rani Phokari- randomly, with different speed and sizes.

Last week I watched “You kill me” where the main character is alcoholic. Later he joins some rehab center where a person will talk to mass of people about their dysfunctional behavior. He/she would start “Hi, I am ABC I am an alcoholic”. The mass will respond in chorus, “Hi ABC”.

Last Friday I was wonder if my life would also end up in a rehab. My life resembles the character perfectly well. I am single, getting old, my hair getting thinner and color fading away, I don’t have friends nearby and I was drinking. Well this is not the first time I realized my life looks like movie characters. I had similar felling when I watched “Life in a Metro”. Every scene, every situation in the movie was truth. Truth like when my friend said, “Girls…..you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them.” (Editors note-I laughed hard when she told me this.)

I wake up next Saturday usually after 9:30. Though my mind does not want to sleep my body does not give up. I have this strange taste in my mouth. This is because I missed brushing my teeth before I go to sleep Friday (well technically its Saturday). This unusual smell inside my mouth I can smell with my mouth close. I am too lazy to go and brush. Instead I arrange pillow and garb unfinished book lying on the table nearby the bed. Open the page where small piece of the visiting card emerging out and I start reading.

So I am wondering if I would be like that dog who salivates when he hears the bell. But I could not figure it out if I would follow book when I wake up late and lazy or when I read book I seek for laziness and that smell and taste in my mouth.

Naked

I talk to myself. Knowingly or unknowingly, I do, can’t help it. It’s something that slips away from my mind, sometime when I am alone and sometime when I am with score of people.

I sing for me. I walk around whispering a song. My limbs in motion to the rhythm of the song I am humming, my hands inside my pocket tapping over my thighs on every beat of drum. Sometimes my fingers leaping in a certain pattern to mimic hands of some guitarist. My shoulders making some funny movement, head facing down and nodding with the beat of my song.

Most of the time I notice eyebrows been raised, wrinkling on foreheads of people passing me by, eyes of colleagues -walking closely - meeting with each other and giggling, some kind lips goes up nodding up head. And there are some supportive lips murmuring, like mine, talking only to its possessor.

I am indifferent to these expressions. My eyes send signals to thalamus but my neocortex does not react or judge these manifestations - I am too involve in singing.

However, few people in my home, my surroundings are unhappy with my singing and walking. I receive suggestions, orders, advices to get rid of this habit - in some cases scolding as well. People see my singing for my self as a taboo. They visualize it to unacceptable behavior for a human kind- like walking without clothes in public.

I found a solution for this. It’s not that I am bother about what people say or what they think about me. It’s just that repeatedly I have to listen to all these people and so I searched for the solution. Now I put an ear piece on my each ear with the wires ending inside my pocket. No one knows that the ear piece is not connected. But I don’t see any frowning faces, no raised eyebrows. I can sing, even dance and no one is bothered. I am happy and so are others.